Quote of the day

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

--Samuel Beckett

Starting Over

If you enjoyed last night's Season Finale of Mad Men, read my review of it here.

Sorry I didn't mention you, Joan. Perhaps it's because your fabulousness has become a given.

New baby in the family

There's a new baby in the family. Not my immediate family, but into our circle of friends a new baby girl was born this week. My daughter Z, who is 3 1/2, knows this family well. They come over often and new baby girl's older brother runs laps across the house with Z and the Lil' Man while they giggle themselves into hiccups. New baby girl's mother and I find our own entertainment in driving the men crazy with talk of prearranged marriages.

And now there's a fourth member to their little gang.

On Wednesday, the day she was born, I told Z and the Lil' Man the good news while we were driving home from school.

ME: Oh, Z, guess what. M had her baby today.

Z: You mean she came out of her tummy?

ME: Yes she did. And you know what that means?

Z: What?

ME: It means you have a brand new friend.

Z: (dramatic pause for mustering of nonsensical insight)

Z: (big smile, like literally from ear to ear)

Z: Oh! I know her!

The Halloween Festival

There was a sign-up sheet on the bulletin board of the school's porch. So I wrote my name into more than a few slots. I brought prizes. I brought bottled water. I made bat-shaped cookies. I was even going to spray paint some water bottles black until they had to shut down that booth. I signed up to work the "Ghost Shoot Out." Which ended up being more of a Bean Bag Toss, but what do the kids care? It was a pretty popular booth. Especially to little Super Mario, who came back at least a dozen times. Each time I'd chuckle at his enthusiasm and say, "You? Again?!" And he'd nod so rapidly his oversized Mario hat would threaten to fall off into the gravel. He didn't even bother with the prizes. At first I thought he was just greedy. But then I noticed he never took a prize. He just really enjoyed tossing those bean bags into the Ghost-shaped buckets. And I really enjoyed picking them up each time and handing them to him, and the dozen or so fairies, the laydbugs, the Snow Whites, the Supermen and Superwomen, the Batmans and Brett Favre. Yes, there was a kid dressed as Brett Favre, complete with little four-year-old-sized shoulder pads. Besides my handmade unicorn and dinosaur, that was by far my favorite costume.

Speaking of my little handmade unicorn and dinosaur, they had a great time, too. Z spent about half her time in the bouncy house with Buzz Lightyear, who was courteous enough to leave his jet pack outside with the shoes. The Lil' Man found his own kind in the Dinosaur Dig, and then after "decorating" a bat cookie, carried it around the playground, picking obsessively at the little blue sprinkles until I finally had to pry it from his sugary claws. Both kids came home decorated with temporary tattoos.

The Lil' Man is still baffled by his. The first sticker he's seen that just won't come off, no matter how much he picks at it.

Two Years in Highlights

I guess we all get a little weepy when our babies turn another year older, when they turn another year farther from the helpless, hold-me-mommy years and another year closer to the drop-me-off-at-the-corner-because-you-are-an-embarrassment years. Why oh why do they have to grow up? Children are such wonderful people and adults are such assholes. Must they really become one of us? It's just so unfair.

Anyway, to celebrate the Lil' Man's journey into Twohood, I thought I'd do a little recap of the past two years, as I've written here on my blog. Let's start before he was even born, shall we...

I just realized I started this blog four days after I peed on the stick that told me I was pregnant again. So from that early on, the Lil' Man was my muse.

Here are his first two years, in highlights:

It's a Boy! (And by the way, he totally disproved my theory about boys looking like their mothers)

Names Continued (Remember when we almost named him Ozzie? Or worse, Henry?)

To my unborn son

Theatre of the Belly

First glimpse of his personality

Dear Son (One of my faves, just sayin')

Labor Day

First Photos

At six weeks (Handsome from day one, imho.)

Play Gyms

The Exersaucer Series (I miss this age, but I do not miss having that honkin' contraption in my house. Not one bit.)

Letting Go

First Cereal Feeding

Easter Bunnies

Half Birthday

Being There

Caterpillar

Sir Crawls A Lot

Facing Forward

What Little Boys Dream About

At 9 months

He Stands

Godzilla Conquers Hallway

Last year's nostalgia

More of last year's nostalgia

First word?

Early Language

And here he is today, just this morning, my world's most special Lil' Man.
Happy Birthday son. Mommy loves you so, so much. Mwah!

Halloween anxiety

I'm not one of those people that looooooooooves Halloween. I'm kind of an anti-dresser upper. I just don't like any unnecessary makeup on my face, or itchy clothing. I really don't like people looking at me in general, so why draw attention, you know?

But now that I have kids old enough to care, I've been bitten by the spirit and I can totally see myself waiting outside all night long for The Great Pumpkin to arrive. We even went to a Pumpkin Festival last week, where we took a hayride, painted pumpkins and brought four of them home to represent each member of our family. This weekend, we will carve them into wild and scary creatures.

So what's causing the anxiety?

Well, it's the costumes.

I do not sew. I do not feel comfortable at a craft table. We went to Michael's just to get sticky bubbles the other day, and I nearly broke into hives. Not because I don't like and appreciate all things crafty. I just don't have those bones in my body.

I wish I could channel my Mom, who made all my clothes when I was a kid. My mother-in-law, who sews brilliantly and constantly, and my Nana who made those baby blankets that I still cherish.

The great thing about Z being old enough to choose her own costume this year has been the daily concepting sessions. And every day this month it's been different. She's gone from wanting to be a robot, to Madeline, to Snow White, to a lifeguard (that was my favorite, slash, easy!), ballerina, kitty, butterfly, kitty butterfly (?), Michael Jackson (second favorite, and honestly, that one was my idea), elephant, frog, bird, pig, ant, Hello Kitty (suggested by Miss Julio O, and probably my third favorite), then unicorn, which is what she landed on last night after watching her favorite episode (and mine too) of Dora, Fairytale Adventureland.

This morning I said, "Okay, Z. We've reached a deadline and you have to tell me what you want to be for Halloween so I can start shopping for stuff." And she said without hesitation, "Unicorn!"

Sigh.

I guess I start with a white hoody and find some kind of cone shaped thingamabob, and some gold glitter to paint around it, and fasten it to her head somehow? And then I guess I can find some fringe to fasten to the back of the hoodie. And a horses tail?

The Lil' Man...well, I wanted him to be Max from Where the Wild Things Are, but since I'd rather him be something he has more of an understanding about. Maybe even something he can recognize and say, I'm donning him a dinosaur this year.

Needless to say, Hobby Lobby here I come.

May the force of crafty mothers be with me.

High School

I graduated from a very large high school in the north suburbs of Dallas with about 1100 other people. It was such a big school that I had never met the guy I sat next to at graduation, Adam Zinn. And based on his reaction to my attempts to chat with him at our 20-year high school reunion last Friday night, he still doesn't know who I am. Or who I was. If there's even a difference.

The differences 20 years can make, or the lack thereof, has been on my mind a lot before and after this reunion. I had heard that I would feel good about myself standing next to people who had not aged as gracefully. But I was actually surprised to see that everyone has help up really well. I had also heard that time would erase any awkward feelings about fitting in, but that wasn't true either. I felt uncomfortable at the ice breaker, flitting around the room trying to decide who to talk to and not talking much to anybody. It was just like high school. I found it kind of sad to realize that 20 years later, I'm just as insecure as I was when I was 18 years old.

But there were other things that hadn't changed that made up for all that.

I found comfort in high school with a close group of friends who hated it as much as I did. The kind of people who went to clubs instead of football games on the weekends. Who didn't have perfect attendance records. Who dyed their hair a lot. Who smoked and didn't care who saw them do it. Who had crates and crates and crates of records.

Thanks to the genius of Facebook, we were able to get back in touch recently and agree unanimously to come to the reunion and to also stay at a lake house for the weekend. And because we all went to prom together, but never went in a limo, I suggested it was time we treated ourselves to that ride.

It was like being with a family you hadn't seen in a long time, and like reconnecting with people you know so well that time can't erase the closeness you feel with them. On the way out to the lakehouse, I drove with three of the guys. One of them I've known since I was two. Another since the 7th grade. Another since I was 15 or 16. We drove around forever just making fun of each other and laughing about each others quirks and bobbing our heads to the music. I could have driven around in that car forever. It was like living in a magic bubble.

So while the reunion made me a bit sad about the things that never change, the rest of it, being with my people, people that know how weird I am and love me for it, made me feel really good about the life I lived back then. It made me feel really lucky to have such great friends. Our faces may change over the years. But our laughs have stayed the same. I can't tell you how great it was to realize that.

Matthew, Marshall, Amy, Jeff, Marc and Amy G...it was so wonderful hearing your laughs again. I miss you guys already.

Love,

Zellmer